Being the Mother of a Marine

Jan 14, 2009 8:34 PM

Subject:

Afganistan (my heart revealed)

Body:
Are you gonna get to take you computer and have skype?
I know you are excited and you want to go see what war is all about...but oh my God...how does a mother do this? How do I let you go to war and not know for sure if you will get to come back to me alive? For you it is all excitement,(I am not angry about that, I just need you to see the difference) something you have been training for, for a year now, and you get to go to a different part of the country, and even shoot your rifle, or possibly kill a man.
For me....I just have to picture myself placing my first born son on the altar at God's feet, and telling God....you just gave him to me for a short time God, now I am giving him back to you...You, God, have to keep him safe...You have to bring him home....He is yours, and my heart is yours, and I trust YOU will do what is best for both of us....Oh LORD God....be real to him....he's MY Boy!!!! How can a mothers heart live through this? SCREAMING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at the top of my voice. But KNOWING that it will happen, it has been meant to happen for a long time, and I will live! But my heart feels as if it will BREAK and never be put back together again!
Panic sets in and I think....I have to go...I have to see him one more time before he goes away for a year...my mind darts to and fro...how can I do this? HOW CAN I DO THIS GOD?????????????
But you will go son....it is your calling....I have known that for a very long time....but I don't think a mothers heart can ever be prepared for this.
As you will find out that a man's heart can never be prepared for killing of another. May God make it so that never has to happen, but Tedward, if it does, may God make you whole, and may you always know that HE is the Healer of our Souls....You may not even get that right now...but you will. One day you will.
I pray that you will always know the love your Dad and I have for you and that you will just always be aware of the fact that we will pray without ceasing for you protection and your mission.
You are MY SON...A GIFT FROM GOD...and I give you back to the ONE who made you!
With all my love and my heart....
Your Mom